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| 2003, Freshman Year at Duke. Kind of a crotch shot, haha, but this is my first memory of the 5 of us hanging out, so I had to put in here. Carolyn must have been taking the picture. |
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| 2004, Beach Week at Myrtle after Sophomore Year |
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2006 in Wilmington Celebrating our graduation |
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| 2011 in Raleigh, at rehearsal for Mary's Wedding! I can't believe we've been friends for NINE years! Craziness. Here's hoping for many more to come. |
I hate to get all churchy on y'all again, but of my roomies shared this prayer with me during retreat in Yosemite, and I thought it was just about perfect for where I am right now. I think somewhere deep down, part of me expected EUIP to be some sort of "lightening bolt"/ Road to Damascus experience in which God would reveal exactly what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life.
I'm starting to reevaluate this whole law school thing. The more I think about it, the more it seems like I'm putting myself through all of this LSAT shizzle because law school just seems like the easiest answer to the oh-so-persistent question of what the hell I'm doing with my life. Thinking about law school gives my future a little bit of structure. I like structure. I like the fact that a *plan* for my next four years could be materializing. I like having a plan. What I don't like is the nagging suspicion that I am formulating this plan solely for the sake of having one.
Law school does seem to make sense in some ways. My absolute favorite part of my job this year is working directly with the clients- listening to their goals and their problems, working collaboratively with them to find solutions, giving them information and advice on how put those solutions into action- basically just being a counselor. That's one thing that has really surprised me about this year. I never thought that I would enjoy having to be a "people person", but I do, and I'm good at it.
At the same time, though, I am still me, and the introverted nerd in me also needs some time to shut the clients out of my office and do my own thing. I do my best thinking by myself, and I need some alone time every day research and write and prepare things for the clients without feeling like they're breathing down my neck. However, if I have too much of this alone time, I become extremely bored and cranky, and I lose sight of my motivation for doing the work in the first place, the clients. I think that as a lawyer, I might be able to find a good balance between working for and with people every day but also having some time to be a bookish nerd and analyze things on my own when I need to. And hopefully my enginerd's brain will be a little more adept at applying logic to solve legal problems than it is at applying my (non-existent) knowledge of the working world to help my clients impress people and get hired.
As an added bonus, the law school track definitely appeases the parents, who have been envisioning me as a lawyer since abooout 4 years before I was born. As hard as my father has been trying to act like a neutral bystander in my career development lately, I can tell that he is beside himself with the prospect of me finally giving in and going to law school. And as awful as it sounds to say, I think that's a big part of why I'm so stuck on questioning my own motives right now. Am I just doing this because I know it's what my parents want? That's certainly Altagracia's take on it, but what the hell does Alta know about me? Then again, what the hell do I know about me? Sigh...
Parental influence is such a tricky mother fucker. You let it do its thing for a while, and then you wise up a bit and spend the rest of your life trying beat it back out of yourself. And as soon as you think you've finally killed the bastard, smothered it in your own independence and self-awareness, it rears its ugly head again. You catch yourself saying something that makes you sound just like your mother, or making that obnoxious face that your father always made, or choosing the career that they'd always envisioned for you... Damn it, damn it, damn it!
Anyway. Anyway. I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. What else is new? I do realize that this has been the most self-absorbed entry ever, and I apologize for that. I just had to get that off my chest. Then again, I guess my entries are usually pretty self-absorbed because I'm pretty self-absorbed, but whatever. My point is that if you read through all of that shit, I know you must really love me. Or you just have a lot of time on your hands. hehe. Happy Friday!
Quote of the day:
"If you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest"- Dave Matthew Band
A Four-fold Franciscan Blessing
May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart. Amen
Even the retreat was a lot of fun. The actual programming was complete bullshit, but after last year's interns' descriptions of the freaks in the other programs, I was pleasantly surprised by how much fun it was to hang out with the other interns. It was really refreshing to be around so many new people and to hear about their stories and experiences doing pretty much the same stuff we're doing. There were definitely some... interesting... people in the mix, but I really enjoyed every single person that I met. 
That being said, seeing all of the other houses solidified the fact I am very happy to be in LA with the roommates that I have. There were amazing people in all of the houses, but it really seemed like ours had the best dynamic as a whole. We were the only house that hasn't had anyone leave, doesn't have a couple dating within the house (bad, bad, bad idea), isn't in fucking Omaha, and genuinely enjoys being in each other's presence (most of the time, anyway). Basically, EUIP is the shit. But we already knew that. One of Brian’s clients was murdered last night. Her name was Alissa. She'd been living on the street for 5 years. Last week, she finally decided to accept some help to leave Hollywood and get clean. When she shared her plans with her 28-year-old boyfriend, he stabbed her 6 times and threw her in a dumpster. She was 15.
Sometimes I don’t understand the world.
I've decided that I hate the phrase "take care". I don't know why, but it always strikes me as really cold when someone says it to me. Not that I'm in a position to accuse anyone of being cold as I'm just about the most unaffectionate person in the world, but the expression just bothers me. It just seems kind of fake-- like the sort of thing you say to someone when you want to be polite, but you don't actually give two shits whether they take care of themselves or not because you probably wouldn't notice if they dropped off the face of the earth entirely. Does that make sense? Yeah, probably not.
Work is slow today. I do have all sorts of boring paperwork stuff that I could be doing right now, but I don't feel like it. I have to interview someone for Daniel's position this afternoon. It strikes me as kind of odd that I'm interviewing someone who's applying to be my boss. Also that they want a clueless 23-year-old intern to conduct an interview. I've never even done a real interview as an interviewee before. But I don't think my opinion will actually carry any weight in the hiring decision, so I figure I'll just go in and have a conversation with the dude for like 15 minutes and that'll be that. Should be interesting.
One of my new clients told me in his assessment this morning that he and his family were evicted from his last apartment because it was infested with demons. Also that the psychiatrist that prescribed him meds just doesn't understand his "demonic problems" because she's not religious. So of course he doesn't take the meds because he doesn't need them. okaaay... He should be an interesting one, too.
Alrighty, off to explain to my client why he got fired from his temp position with us and why he might want to refrain from calling his boss a "stupid, fatass racist" for changing his hours in the future. Take care!
I lead a charmed existence. Really and truly. I've wasted a lot of time on this stupid blog whining about stress, confusion, Altagracia Perez, and the 405 freeway, but I have to admit that when it comes down to it, life as an EUI is pretty fucking fantastic. I have a great job, I'm surrounded by amazing people, I'm learning lots, and for someone who worries so much, I really have very little to worry about. I don't even have to pay bills. What the hell am I so stressed about all the time? ...just thought I'd write that down in this little moment of clarity so I'll be reminded next time I freak out about nothing...
This weekend was amazing. Thursday morning I was too tired to go to work, so I called in sick and spent the day at the beach. Normally I'd be feeling ridiculously guilty about this, but the fact that 3 of my roommates also took "mental health days" last week makes feel slightly better about being a worthless slacker. Thursday evening we had our "Monday night" community meal, postponed a couple days because Erin had been out of town. We ended up spending over three hours sitting around the table, just eating, talking, and enjoying life.
I think community meals might be my favorite part of EUIP. Whenever Alta presses us for details about our community's shared spiritual development, we always tell her with a bit of a snicker that Monday nights are our "holiest" times together. But I really think it's true. Well, the parents have come and gone, I am still alive, and everyone is still on speaking terms. I'd say this weekend was a resounding success. They did, of course, throw a tantrum about the nose. Apparently in addition to being doomed to unemployment for the rest of my life, I'm also probably now infected with HIV, hepatitis, and ebola. Basically, because I got my nose pierced, I am going to die. Probably sometime this week. I love the logic of parents. But once the tantrum had ended, all was well again, and it wasn't mentioned for the rest of the weekend. Whew...
Dinner with the roomies went well. Both the parents and the roommates put on a good show and avoided all controversy. We ate at a fabulous Italian restaurant in Santa Monica, and Ice-T from SVU was at the table right next to us! That brings my LA celeb sightings up to two. Anyway, I feel guilty now for villianizing my parents to my roommates so often. My parents really are good people, even if we're having some ideological clashes at the moment. The problem is that with most of the people in my life right now belonging to one of two opposite political extremes, it feels almost impossible to do or say anything without being disloyal to someone, much less figure out where I belong myself. At the same time, I know that's kind of bullshit. Disagreement is not the same thing as disloyalty, but when peoples' lives and vocations are so tied up in what they believe, it often feels that way. And it really doesn't help that I'm so incredibly confused about what I believe myself.
Anyway, Convention was incredibly boring and pointless. No one other than Holy Faith people and EUIP board members so much as glanced at us, much less stopped at our table or asked about our program. We spent the entire convention stealing chocolates from other booths and taking naps under our display table. I can definitely see how this was a more productive use of my time than going to work and helping my clients get jobs... Riiight. At least the hotel was nice (it had CABLE. oh, the luxury).
While my roommates are busy taking a stand against consumerism on "National Buy Nothing Day", I'm using this lovely Friday afternoon to start formulating my Christmas list. Glad all this living simply stuff has had such a great effect on me...
Here's what I have so far:
1. Perfume- Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue
2. Sunglasses- Chanel
3. Gift Certificates- JCrew, Anthropologie, Banana Republic, BevMo
4. Wallet/ Keychain Combo- Coach or Dooney & Burke
5. Digital Camera- anything new and durable
6. Accessories for my brand new road bike
7. A gym membership
Yep, living simply really has helped me to purge every last vestige of materialism from my psyche. ha.
Anyway, Thanksgiving was amazing. Everyone made 3 dishes, so we ended up with a ridiculous amount of food. Just to give you an idea, there were 4 potato dishes, 3 kinds of bread, 5 pies, a sixteen pound turkey, 2 kinds of cranberry sauce, and most importantly, 9 bottles of wine. Aaamazing. And for the cheesy summer-camp moment of the day, here's what I was (and continue to be) thankful for:
1. 5 amazing and different roommates whom I love and who all enjoy eating (and drinking) almost as much as I do.
2. All of my clients who have rung the bell and all the ones who are working really hard to get there, too.
3. Wine.
4. My nosering :).
5. Parents who I know will always support me (deep down at least) no matter how much I confuse and scare them.
6. A brother to laugh at my parents with.
7. Being in LA. Doing things I never would have dreamed I'd be doing a year ago. Living in an environment entirely unlike any I've ever been in before. Learning lots. Loving all of it.
8. Having a whole lot of people to miss.
Ok, cheesy moment over. Off to the beach. Happy Friday!
I'm happy to say that I have gotten over myself since Thursday. I just read over my last entry and started cracking up. The one good thing about these momentary freak-outs of mine is that they're quite amusing to read about after the fact. Like good lord, so this place is not River Oaks and people here think a little differently. So what? It's not like I expected this to be an extraordinarily comfortable place for me, and clearly I needed to be made uncomfortable. Anyway, the point is that even with the challenges, I think it is a good thing that I am here, and overall, I really am ridiculously happy to be here.
So anyway, other than my meltdown on Thursday morning, this week was relatively uneventful. My boss, Daniel, got passed up for a promotion over the weekend and is threatening to quit. He called the whole staff into a conference room on Wendesday to tell us how pissed off he is and whine about how much more he deserved it than the lady who got it. . . . and we're supposed to be a modeling professionalism to the clients? . . . The funny thing is, she has more experience and an MBA from Berkeley, whereas Daniel's still working on his BS in kinesiology from CSUN. So yeah, I'm not sure I follow his reasoning, but I do know that I wouldn't be terribly broken up if he left. He kind of treats me like a mentally challenged 5-year-old, and it kind of bothers me.
Thursday night we went to a birthday party for one of the Good Shepherds in North Hollywood. My roommates all whined about how incredibly far away it was, but really it was only 3/4 of the way to my work. uggh. I swear I spend almost half as much time on the 405 as I do actually at work. It's a problem. The party was pretty fun, though.
Yesterday I had my monthly one-on-one meeting with Alta. It was pretty awkward. I didn't really have anything to say to her, and it ended up only lasting like 20 minutes of the hour it was supposed to. hmm... I suppose I could have brought up some of the stuff I was freaking out about Thursday, but she's part of the source of it (in a good way, but still). I think she just would've thought that I was a dumbass. Or maybe I'm just a chicken shit.
Anyway, yay for Saturday! I love Saturdays. Today was an especially good one. I woke up at the crack of dawn to row, but now that I have to get up at 6:30 every morning, this isn't nearly as hard as it was in college. Plus, the stroke seat of our 4+ has finally returned from a month-long vacation, so I've moved back to 2-seat. Yaaay for not having to stroke!
After crew, Erin and I went to breakfast at the Mexican restaurant across the street, which was the 4th time in 5 days that we've been there. I think this place might actually be better than Cosmic. It's a complete dive with really good, really cheap food, and the owner is pretty much the nicest guy ever. I love Inglewood. I just spent my entire hour-long commute to work sobbing. If you know me well, you know how incredibly rare it is for me to cry (I usually go years without even tearing up), so obviously I'm upset about something. The strange thing is that I don't even think I can really articulate what it is, but I'll take a stab at it anyway.
I guess to sum it up, I'm just freaked out by how radically different this environment is from home, and I'm not adjusting as well as I thought I would. What set me off was hearing that Alta was talking crap about my SUV again last night, but really the SUV shit is only the tip of the iceberg. I even agree that gas conservation is important and that SUVs aren't necessarily the best car choice, but when it comes down to it, the car that I have is a product of where I came from, and I am just sick of hearing about how everything about my background and my family and especially what my father does for a living is wrong and evil and oppressive. I'm sick of being told, even implicitly, that people I love are bad people for how they live and what they believe and who they vote for. .
At this point, I don't know what to think about anything. I feel ignorant and stupid, and I know there is no one here to talk to who won't judge me for still having to struggle with this.
Wow, sorry to sound like such a whiner. I think part of the reason that I am so frustrated is that I know I should be smarter, I should know more, and I should be much more mature about how I handle all of this. I felt even worse when I got to work and saw my clients and realized that I really am freaking out about nothing. My life is so incredibly easy, and here I am sobbing because I feel sorry for myself. Basically I suck at life.
Ooo, but one of my clients just rang the bell cause he got a job. At least that's one good thing for today.
So. I'm leaving for Los Angeles tomorrow. Craziness! This isn't the big move yet, but it's definitely a huge first step. I'll be there for a week to do job training, then I have a few more days in Houston to pack up my life, shove it all in the Jeep, and drive back out to Cali for good. I still don't think I've managed to get my mind around the concept that this is actually happening. I haven't even started packing yet... I don't even know what I'm supposed to wear! Yikes!
So I'm definitely excited, but I'm also completely freaking out. I can't wait to see the program house and learn what Chrysalis is all about, but at the same time, I can't say that part of me isn't wishing I was just packing up for another year at Duke. I do think it's cool that most of my best friends from Duke seem to be starting the next phase of their lives right now, too. I mean, Char just moved to Mexico on Wednesday, Carrie's going to be in charge of a classroom full of 5th graders next week, Mary's getting ready to start her first full semester of grad school at BC, and Carolyn's getting all settled in at flight school. My friends are so cool. But seriously, as scary as all this is, it's kind of comforting to know that we're all going through these huge transitions together, even if we'll be thousands of miles apart while we're doing it. lol, when did I get so cheesy?
Anyway, I do wish that the other interns were going to be around next week because I'm very anxious to meet them, but it's kind of nice that I'll get this preview of the house and everything before the program actually starts. This way I'll have a much better idea of the kind of space I'll have and how much stuff I'll be able to cram into it (and I'm sure my future roomies would really appreciate that attitude). Plus, apparently the intern who worked with Chrysalis last year has just accepted a full-time position with them and will be living in the house with me while she's apartment hunting, so at least I won't be in this strange new house in Inglewood all by myself.
Alright, I think that's all for now. I'd promise an entry when I get there, but it dawned on me when Carolyn asked me about it last night that I have no idea if this place has internet access. So that could definitely put a strain on the blogging... Ha, I'm sure you're sooo disappointed. lol. But feel free to call me next week as I'm sure I'll be wanting to hear some familiar voices. Peace.
Quote of the day:
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life - Fleetwood Mac
... I'm gonna f-ing body slam them. I am NOT brave, which is why I'm totally freaking out at this point. And I'm also not all oblivious to the fact that by "brave," at least 90% of you mean "crazy." So save your patronizing f-ing flattery for someone else, k? Awesome, glad we've clarified that. Thanks.
(note: okay, I'm officially a horrible person, but do know that this rant is not directed towards anyone who actually reads this blog, nor, probably, anyone who even knows what a blog is )
Okay, so I’m kind of freaking out. Last night I got into another huge fight with my dad, this one ending in him telling me that he hates me. Eek. Well, I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean what he said, but the words were strong enough to make me really ask myself if I’m making a huge mistake.
It all started when I mentioned that I need to be in LA from August 14-18 for job training. My program doesn’t start until the 26th, so I’ve been given the option either of hanging around LA until then or coming home for the week in between. His first reaction was to tell me that I’d obviously misread something because no program would be unreasonable enough to expect me to come 2 weeks early. He even demanded that I let my mother read the email to determine what it really said. Yah so after I reminded him that I'm a 22-year-old Duke graduate and perfectly capable of interpreting a page-long email, he launched into this ridiculous tirade about how my internship is the stupidest thing he’s ever heard of, how my job placement is going to be a gigantic waste of time, and how I am a complete imbecile for doing this. Basically, he was being a complete asshole, and as being around my dad when he’s in these moods tends to bring out the worst in me, I didn’t hesitate to tell him so. Things just escalated from there, and it got pretty ugly.
I feel terrible for letting it get out of hand like that, but my father and I are so much alike that these kinds of fights are not exactly an anomaly in our relationship. Frankly, he scares the fucking shit out of me, but I, like him, am just about the most stubborn and competitive person in the world. When it comes to things I truly care about, I don’t back down easily. Neither does he, which tends to cause problems when we don’t see eye to eye.
Getting back to the main issue, though, his comments about my internship really did sort of hit home. I mean, at root, I couldn’t disagree with him more. In my heart of hearts I really believe that EUIP is perfect for me right now, and I can’t think of a better way to spend next year. So for the past few months, I’ve been telling myself that my parents’ disapproval is of little consequence. It's my life, not theirs. But in reality, knowing that I’m disappointing them just isn’t fun at all.
And what if my dad is right? I can't pretend that I don't have my own reservations from time to time. What if it really is all bullshit and taking part in it makes me some sort of stupid idealist or freaky religious fanatic? Shit, I think I’m confusing myself again…
Quote of the Day:
“I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears and
Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head” -The Fray
I’m writing from Carrie’s beach house in Wilmington. Before I go on, I should warn you that I’m currently on Vicodin for my newly broken pinky toe, so if I sound a little uh… loopy, yeah that’s probably why. Yes, I broke my pinky toe. Can you think of a more ridiculous injury to have to spend 3 hours in the emergency room for? Cause I fucking can’t. 
I’m officially done with college. Whew. I left my ultrasound final literally shaking because I was convinced that I failed. It was horrible. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing for a single question and spent the entire 4 hours copying bullshit from the textbook onto paper, just hoping for some sort of partial credit. I spent all weekend envisioning having to contact each of the like 30 people that I invited to graduation to tell them that juuust kidding, I’m not actually graduating this year after all. Oh and by the way does anyone need a roommate for summer school? But contrary to popular belief, von Ramm apparently does have a heart after all. He gave me a B, and I have never been so happy to get a B in my life.
So I’m graduating. It’s weird to think about the fact that I’m a not college student anymore. In fact, for the first time since I was 2 years old, I’m not a student at all. Crazy. Walking around campus is almost Twilight Zoneish. Everywhere I go, I can’t help but ask myself “is this the last time I’ll ever be here?” Then I get weirdly nostalgic and think of all the memories I’ve had in that place over the past 4 years. The other day I was walking past the creek in the gardens and thought of our picnic freshman year. I had this vision of Carrie falling into the water and couldn’t help but smile to myself. Then some random guy that was walking past thought I was smiling at him and said hi. Haha awkward.
Anyway, I always thought I would be practically suicidal at this point. I mean I’ve been flipping out about graduation all year, and now it’s practically here. But lately I’ve just felt numb to everything. Every day there’s more reminders that it's all ending, but for some reason it just doesn’t quite seem real to me. I suppose I’m still I’m in denial, but maybe it’s better that way. I’d rather not spend my last few days at Duke depressed about having to leave anyway.
Annnyway, the past few days have been pretty uneventful. Everyone is off at Myrtle, and my life has pretty much consisted of eating, sleeping, and rowing. My last rowing banquet was on Saturday. The parents came up for it, and it was nice to see them and have them here. Talking about next year has gotten much less awkward now that they know they won’t be able to dissuade me. Of course my dad is still cracking jokes about me turning into a do-gooder hippy and about how I’m gonna to get shot in some drive-by before the year is over, but for the most part we’re able to carry on civil conversations, and that is certainly progress.
Alright, kids. Practice is in 8 hours, and I think I’m gonna go spend some quality time with my pillow till then. Nighty night.
Hellooo from Clemson. We just got back from an amazing practice on the course, and I’m currently killing time in my hotel room with Em. I'm so excited to race tomorrow! Actually, I’m just excited about life in general right now. Long time, no update. I'd like to say it's because I've been super busy and productive all week, but really that would be a big fat lie. I've pretty much been just as worthless as usual, but after spending hours on application essays, I was verrry sick of writing. So, quick recap of the past week:
FRIDAY: Spent all morning attempting to finish my 141 problem set. Was thoroughly unsuccessful in that venture, but did manage to stay awake for the whole lecture after turning in the half that I did do. Drove out to Raleigh to practice on the course. The water was ridiculously crappy, but we did what we needed to. Ate a team dinner in the football building, which reminded me of graduation and made me sad. Hung out by myself all night while everyone else was at Death Cab. How depressing. Actually it was kind of nice.
SATURDAY: Race day. There were thunderstorm warnings all day, so the coaches decided to compress the race schedule. The varsity 8+ heats and finals were back to back in the morning. Didn't really matter, though; if anything it benefited us. We ended up beating all seven crews by open water and got ACC crew of the week again. Mary and Carrie came to watch, which made me happy. Saturday night I went to Doug and Will's party with Mary and Carolyn. VERY random crowd, but I had fun. Saw a bunch of random people that I hadn't even run into since Southgate plus Nat and Josh who were apparently here for the weekend. There were a few basketball players there, too. They played country music for a decent portion of the night, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I capped off the night by doing some serious drunken IMing. Still not sure who all I talked to. How embarrassing.
SUNDAY: Woke up at 11 with a massive headache. Just a word of advice- if you haven't had alcohol in almost a month, it's probably not a good idea to drink 5 beers and take 7 shots. Ya know, in case you were wondering. Went to a service project at the EC for a few hours. Why does that place make me feel so awkward? haha, well I was glad I went anyway. Lissa gave a great sermon that got me really fired up to participate in Holy Week stuff. Unfortunately, I haven't actually done it. whoops. Well, I'll go to Maundy Thursday stuff tonight if we're back in time, and I'm def going to Good Friday stuff manana. After the service, went to a senior dinner and a sorority meeting. Felt guilty again for not going to to formal and realized how little I've actually hung out with the Chi O girls this year. Was a little bummed for the rest of the night.
MONDAY AND TUESDAY: Drove myself and my roomie/ pseudo-roomies half insane over application essays. Props to MCC and Char for putting up with me. Got the applications sent off. Unfortunately, the essays are still pretty bad, but at least they are done and in. Practice kicked my butt on Monday. Tuesday we got to run instead of erg for half the practice, which made me really happy despite having to run down Campus Drive in a uni. Collapsed at 9 pm on Tuesday after sleeping 5 hours in the previous 2 nights combined. I am officially way too old for that stuff.
WEDNESDAY: was pretty unproductive. Ran errands and cleaned all morning, then met with Tina. I hate that I'm so behind on my own project. I know my group is ready to kill me at this point, but I don't really know what I can do about it. Practice kicked my ass again. Robyn threatened beforehand to switch some people between boats, and though she never actually did it, I have a feeling my days in the varsity 8+ are numbered. Oh well, all I can do at this point is keep pulling my ass off and hope for the best.
TODAY: Typical Thursday. Class, weights, class, lab, and now practice. Had to leave lab early again to put in a rush transcript order before 3. Did you know that the registrar moved from Allen to Broad Street? How annoying. Felt bad about leaving my group, but once again, nothing I could do. Anyway, I'm excited for tonight. I'm still debating about whether to go to Big Beers, screw your sis, or something else. At the moment, it's looking like big beers is going to win, but it all depends on who I can convince to go with me to what. It should be a good night regardless.
okaaay, now that we're all caught up, off to practice.
Quote of the Day:
Aquachic5 (8:07:04 PM): poop on Clemens head
Can I just say that I love Duke and all my friends here like crazy and I DO NOT want to graduate. ever. This weekend was so much fun. Saturday night was the senior party in KVille. I was definitely reluctant to go out there at all, firstly because I wasn't sure about going to the game and didn't want to waste the effort of getting a wristband for nothing, and secondly because it was freezing last night, and I'm a total wimp about that sort of thing. But as soon as I got there I knew it would be fun, and I wasn't let down all night. I got to KVille literally right as the Coach K talk was getting out, and Carrie came out and practically tackled me as I was walking past Cameron. We all went to the senior party where I got my free pizza and beer and saw Stine who was visiting this weekend. She's doing well, but it seems like med school is pretty rough. I'm really glad I dropped the whole premed thing; I definitely did not want it bad enough for all of that. She's crazy as ever though, and it was a blast to get to see her again.
I hung out there with the rowing girls for about an hour, then headed over to Dillo to have some margaritas with the Chi O girls, Carrie, and Carolyn's older brother Nick. The band there was really loud and not that great, but we had fun. We headed out to get our wristbands at around 12:30. What a mess. You would think that Duke juniors and seniors would be capable of organizing some reasonable way to distribute wristbands in a semi-orderly fashion, but apparently that's just not the case. The line was more like a mob of people practically tackling the line monitors and each other and get their bands. More than once, some kids stole a whole sheet of wristbands out the monitors' hands and ran off to give them to their friends. It was chaos. Luckily there were more than enough bands for everyone, though, and we were out of there with our bands after about 15 minutes.
From there we regrouped at MCC's and headed over to the Joyce where the rowing kids were. I always love it when I can hang out with them and the MCC crowd at the same time. It was a lot of fun despite that fact that Wiggs and I kept getting hit on by some sketchy old British guy who wouldn't leave us alone. We headed back to MCC's at around 2:30 and played flip cup till around 4. We played North v. South on my suggestion, which resulted in teams of me, Carrie, and Josh vs. Carolyn, Nick, and Kim. Our team got off to an inauspicious start as the North took the first 4 games, but in the end the South prevailed, winning the next 6 in a row. woo.
The game today was AWESOME. Once again I got to hang out with both the Chi O girls and the rowing kids the whole time. I was pretty bummed that I had to skip church and miss seeing Andie celebrate for the first time (nerd! I such a church nerd!), but in the end, I was really glad that I went to the game. When JJ broke Johnny Dawkin's all-time scoring record, Cameron just erupted. I've never heard it that loud, and when you're talking about Cameron, that is saying something. We screamed for about 5 minutes straight. It was a little sad knowing that that would be my last game in the stands as a Duke student, my last chance sing the fight song (the non-crew version anyway) and do the lobster dance, and my last opportunity to chant "Our House" with all the pride of a Cameron Crazy. All in all, though, it was the perfect game to end it on.
Why am I incapable of making a decision about anything? Right now I'm debating about 2 things, both involving basketball, with no prospect of coming to a resolution on either one anytime soon. First, and more immediately, I can't decide if I want to wait in line to get a wristband for the senior game tonight. I know I should, number one because I'm a senior and it's senior night, and number two, because literally ALL of my friends will be out there tonight, and I'll be pretty bored if I don't. Plus, there's free pizza and beer. It's really freaking cold out there, though, and I'm not really even sure I want to go to the game. I mean I love going to games, and this is one of my last chances to see a game in Cameron (from the student section, anyway), but I have other stuff I could be doing tomorrow at that time.
Then I still can't decide if I want to go home for the weekend of the Carolina game. I still haven't been to the UNC game, and I know that's something I really should do before I graduate. Plus my birthday is that Tuesday, and I think I'd probably have a little more fun partying here with my friends than at home with the 'rents. Just a guess. This is, however, my absolute last chance to go home before May. I think I might need some warm weather and a Tex-Mex fix to sustain me until then. Plus I haaaave to get my internship and job applications done at some point, and I have a feeling that that's just not going to happen here. Not having the option to wander over to MCC's and whine about them instead of actually doing them would be key. Aaahh, what to do, what to do...
About job stuff, I'm still not 100% decided on all that either. I really feel like the route I'm taking at the moment is a good one, okay a great one. It's something that fills all my needs, feels right, and really could be a life-changing experience. I'm just so nervous. I really wonder if I'm getting myself in over my head. But I did finally get some balls and told my mother about my plans. It went surprisingly well. She was much more, well maybe not understanding, but definitely more accepting than I would have expected. She actually seemed more interested than skeptical when she asked for details, and now she'll do the dirty work of relaying all this information to my dad. I'm still not sure how well TJ is going to take all this, but thankfully now I won't have to be around for the initial reaction. At this point I'm mainly just nervous that I'm not capable or ready for something like this. But sometimes you just have to go for it, right.
So other than all that indecisiveness, there's really not too much interesting stuff going on right now. I think my BME project group is mad at me. Malkin hated our presentation Thursday, so we have to redo our design. I can see where he's coming from; we essentially just copied someone else's design and changed the packaging. I'm just annoyed that I spent 5 hours in Teer putting the world's largest circuit into the schematic editor for nothing. Zach sent out an email asking if we could meet today, but Ed had lacrosse and suggested Sunday instead. Well apparently that was far too late for Lori who wanted to spend all weekend on it. Over-eager engineers kill me. She sent out an email asking if we could meet last night instead, and after I responded saying that I absolutely couldn't because I had an exam, practice, and a concert I'd had tickets for for 3 months, she sent out an email saying that the rest of the group could meet without me if it wasn't my top priority. gah. chill the fuck out.
Keith Urban was worth it though. I went with a crowd of lovely senior rowing ladies, namely Tonia, Leah, and Emma Wallace. I felt like such a midget standing between Tonia and Emma, which at 5'11, doesn't happen to me often. We had a really good time, though. Keith is hot. I'm such sucker for accents. Maybe I'll move to Australia.
Practice this morning was miserable. I think there must be some sort of rule saying that we can't have a double practice unless it's freezing cold and raining. Actually today it didn't rain so much as snow. It was disgusting. And people wonder why I want to go back to Texas... I came home and hid indoors till we had to go pick Charla's brother up from the airport. He actually seems pretty cool. I don't know why, but I kind of expected him to be really nerdy. He's totally not though. Hopefully I'll get to hang out with him some this weekend, but as Char is never here even when she doesn't have someone to show around, it seems unlikely.
Okay, enough sitting in front of the computer. People keep calling me, and I think I've finally caved and decided to head out to kville with everyone else. Now if I could just decide who to wait in line with...
Quote of the day:
“Too many times we stand aside, and let water slip away
Till what we’ve put off till tomorrow, has now become today
So don’t you sit upon the shoreline, and say you’re satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tide” –Garth Brooks “The River”
