Done!

I’m officially done with college. Whew. I left my ultrasound final literally shaking because I was convinced that I failed. It was horrible. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing for a single question and spent the entire 4 hours copying bullshit from the textbook onto paper, just hoping for some sort of partial credit. I spent all weekend envisioning having to contact each of the like 30 people that I invited to graduation to tell them that juuust kidding, I’m not actually graduating this year after all. Oh and by the way does anyone need a roommate for summer school? But contrary to popular belief, von Ramm apparently does have a heart after all. He gave me a B, and I have never been so happy to get a B in my life.

So I’m graduating. It’s weird to think about the fact that I’m a not college student anymore. In fact, for the first time since I was 2 years old, I’m not a student at all. Crazy. Walking around campus is almost Twilight Zoneish. Everywhere I go, I can’t help but ask myself “is this the last time I’ll ever be here?” Then I get weirdly nostalgic and think of all the memories I’ve had in that place over the past 4 years. The other day I was walking past the creek in the gardens and thought of our picnic freshman year. I had this vision of Carrie falling into the water and couldn’t help but smile to myself. Then some random guy that was walking past thought I was smiling at him and said hi. Haha awkward.

Anyway, I always thought I would be practically suicidal at this point. I mean I’ve been flipping out about graduation all year, and now it’s practically here. But lately I’ve just felt numb to everything. Every day there’s more reminders that it's all ending, but for some reason it just doesn’t quite seem real to me. I suppose I’m still I’m in denial, but maybe it’s better that way. I’d rather not spend my last few days at Duke depressed about having to leave anyway.

Annnyway, the past few days have been pretty uneventful. Everyone is off at Myrtle, and my life has pretty much consisted of eating, sleeping, and rowing. My last rowing banquet was on Saturday. The parents came up for it, and it was nice to see them and have them here. Talking about next year has gotten much less awkward now that they know they won’t be able to dissuade me. Of course my dad is still cracking jokes about me turning into a do-gooder hippy and about how I’m gonna to get shot in some drive-by before the year is over, but for the most part we’re able to carry on civil conversations, and that is certainly progress.

Alright, kids. Practice is in 8 hours, and I think I’m gonna go spend some quality time with my pillow till then. Nighty night.