Sad

I just spent my entire hour-long commute to work sobbing. If you know me well, you know how incredibly rare it is for me to cry (I usually go years without even tearing up), so obviously I'm upset about something. The strange thing is that I don't even think I can really articulate what it is, but I'll take a stab at it anyway.

I guess to sum it up, I'm just freaked out by how radically different this environment is from home, and I'm not adjusting as well as I thought I would. What set me off was hearing that Alta was talking crap about my SUV again last night, but really the SUV shit is only the tip of the iceberg. I even agree that gas conservation is important and that SUVs aren't necessarily the best car choice, but when it comes down to it, the car that I have is a product of where I came from, and I am just sick of hearing about how everything about my background and my family and especially what my father does for a living is wrong and evil and oppressive. I'm sick of being told, even implicitly, that people I love are bad people for how they live and what they believe and who they vote for. .

At this point, I don't know what to think about anything. I feel ignorant and stupid, and I know there is no one here to talk to who won't judge me for still having to struggle with this.

Wow, sorry to sound like such a whiner. I think part of the reason that I am so frustrated is that I know I should be smarter, I should know more, and I should be much more mature about how I handle all of this. I felt even worse when I got to work and saw my clients and realized that I really am freaking out about nothing. My life is so incredibly easy, and here I am sobbing because I feel sorry for myself. Basically I suck at life.

Ooo, but one of my clients just rang the bell cause he got a job. At least that's one good thing for today.